Tina Fey Quotes

"The cover story of New York Magazine this week is Baby Panic. This goes perfectly with the other magazines on my coffee table - Where Are The Babies? (US) Why Haven't You Had A Baby? (People) And, For God's Sake Have A Baby (Time). Thanks Time Magazine, this is just what I need - another article so depressing that I can actually hear my ovaries curling up."

"Prostitutes in Lyons, France sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko's - "You fax these, I'll let you shave me." Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9. This just proves what my boyfriend always says - that I am dumber than a French whore."

According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry lonely women, you'll be dead soon.

(On her six-week maternity leave) " "I had to get back to work ... NBC has me under contract; the baby and I only have a verbal agreement."