White Chicks Quotes

Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.
Megan Vandergeld: It's the Beverly Ho-Billies.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn't?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I'm sorry, but uhm... we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office
[laughs]
Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac!
[laughs]
Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.
Marcus Copeland: [indignantly]
[as Tiffany Wilson]
Marcus Copeland: What?
[the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It's mother time, okay! Your mother's so dumb she went to Dr Dre for a Pap smear! "Something's wrong, Dr Dre! My coochie's doing a beatbox!"
Heather Vandergeld: Well yea? Your mother's so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this:
[blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]
Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like... She's so...
[to Megan]
Heather Vandergeld: Megan you go!
Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney's Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a 'ni-coise' salad. 'Ni-coise' salad, right?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America!"


Tiffany Wilson: Oh yeah? Well, your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America"!


Latrell Spencer: White meat only.


Latrell Spencer: How did you know? I love this song!


[approaching the reception desk in the Royal Hamptons Hotel, Marcus, dressed as Tiffany Wilson, stumbles toward the counter]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Sweetie! You've got to slow up with those cosmos!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in!
[slams into postcard and knick-knack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts]
Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they're new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany's fake breasts] Feels so real!


Marcus Copeland: You hit like a bitch! C'mon.


Latrell Spencer: Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.


[dressed as Tiffany Wilson, Marcus and the girls lay peacefully on a sunny beach]
Tori: I am so glad I got waxed today.
Karen: Ugh, me too. What did you get?
Tori: The Bald Eagle.
Karen: I got the Bermuda Triangle.
Lisa: The Landing Strip.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I got the Buckwheat.
Karen: Ewww, that's sick.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Ahh, what a beautiful sunny day!
[shadow falls over body]
Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, what happened to the sun? Ahh!
Latrell Spencer: Easy white chocolate, I wouldn't want you to melt.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Yeah, hasta la vista Schwarzenegro. Okay, bye.


Tiffany Wilson: I am so... frick-in'... pissed!


Kevin Copeland: I'm gonna have a BF!
Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she's gonna have a bitch fit!
Hotel clerk: No, don't d-d-d-don't have a, a, a BF now.
Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!
Marcus Copeland: You, are in big, trouble!
Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.


[gives dog to hotel clerk]
Marcus Copeland: Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say "Yo quiero Taco Bell". Kay?


Marcus Copeland: I don't see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer


Lisa: I'm Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery.
Kevin Copeland: This one goes with your skin tone.
Lisa: Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean.
[shouts]
Lisa: Whoo.


Lisa: Hi I'm Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don't forget about me, I'm Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it's Tina the Talking Tummy.
[cries]
Lisa: I can't even wear a short skirt and a top without looking like a fat pig.


Latrell Spencer: Oh the deception. The betrayal. Man you deceived me.
Marcus Copeland: Look man
Latrell Spencer: Negro please. Didn't any one tell you that this was an all white party, huh? Someone get this jiggaboo away from me.


Marcus Copeland, Kevin Copeland: Triple t, k, a. Time to totally kick ass!


Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if...
Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. "We?" Kevin, this ain't about "we." It's never been. It's about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I'm dumb enough to go along with it. And look where its got me, Kevin. I just lost my wife and my job because of you. So, don't tell me about "we" no more, all right?


Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] Oh, my god! Look who's here. It's that beautiful...
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: Save it!
[walks in the room]
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: Because of you, I had to suspend two of my best agents!
Kevin Copeland: But Chief, I can explain.
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: I don't wanna hear it! You're just lucky we caught Burton before he could strike.
Kevin Copeland: But Burton is not our guy!
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: Let me guess: Woman's intuition? You're both fired. Turn in your guns and your badges. This operation is over!
Kevin Copeland: Come on, Chief! You can't fire us.
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: I just did.


Marcus Copeland: Look King Kong. Why don't you take you and your "1980 pick-up lines", climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State building, beat on your big old monkey chest and then jump off? Excuse me.


Party Boy: Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me!