Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Quotes

Ace: Meeting with sinister types much? A not too much, a much too much.


Ace: There's someone on the wing! Some... THING! I'm sorry, what were you saying?


Ace: The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.


Ace: Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!
[yodels]


Ace: I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!


Ace: It is the mucus that binds us.


Ace: Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.


[spying, sitting in a mechanical rhino]
Ace: Pretty hot in these rhinos...


[Ace is chasing the villain with a monster truck]
Ace: Nobody wants to play with me!


Ace: Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...


Ace: [the Tiny Warrior shrieks in Wachutu] What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall: I *think* he said, she's not a virgin.
Ace: [pause] They can *tell* that?


[Wachutu Chief exposes his rotten teeth while screaming at Ace]
Ace: You know, gingivitis is the number one reason of all tooth decay.


Ace: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious. And the pottery is lovely.
Ouda: It's made from guano.
Ace: Guano! Why's that sounding so familiar?
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl, spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their main raw material, they're using it to made a lot of things in the village.
Ace: Yummie!


Ace: Just what sort of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace: Corpus Kilochiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
Ace: Shikaka... Shikaka! Shikasha! Ohhh! Shishkabab. Shawshank Redemption. ShicaaaaGO! You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.


Fulton Greenwall: Ace, the Wachutus are a blood-thirsty, savage tribe. If they catch you, they will show no mercy!
Ace: Worry not, my brother. For I will be as a fly on the wall - a grain of salt in the ocean. I will move amongst them like a transparent... *thing*.


Ace: Where iz zhe bat?


Ace: Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!


Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace: Bumblebee tuna? Bumblebee tuna! Ace Ventura, Pet Detective! How are you this afternoon? Excuse me... Your balls are showing...
[smiles]
Ace: Bumblebee tuna!


Ace: OK, all looks good, you know, you never really know until you check things out yourself.
Fulton Greenwall: Well, aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace: ITS DARK IN THERE... I MIGHT FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Ouda: Here you go.
[hands him torch]
Ace: [gives look] Spank you, Helpy Helperton...


Ace: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it!... Flick it, QUICK!
[Greenwall does nothing]
Ace: Allrighty, then! Shall we go to jail?
[clicks teeth at Cadby]


Ace: Of course. How sssselfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.


Ace: Can you feel it, Captain Compost?


Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy!
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking!


[with Greenwall at top of a huge set of stairs leading to a temple]
Ace: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down temple stairs]
Ace: Isn't this incredible? IT'S GONNA BE SOME KIND OF A RECORD! Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[runs down to see Slinky stopped on second last step]
Ace: Awww man! Can you beleive it. It was right there!


Ace: If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!


Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.


Ace: [holding a skunk, imitating Tony Montana in Scarface] Say hello to my STINKY little friend!
[lifts the skunk's tail]


Ace: That's a lovely fur you're wearing. Perhaps I could find you some slippers made from the skins of innocent and defenseless baby seals!


Ace: Cadby, from the consulate, right? This is weird!


Ace: That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! Damn I'm good!


Fulton Greenwall: You must be very proud, Ace.
Ace: Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.


Fulton Greenwall: Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk: Oh, him.


Ace: [parking] Like a glove!


Ace: [spying on the Wachutu tribe through a bush] "Wunderbar!", he exclaimed with great relish.


[Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot]
Fulton Greenwall: Mr. Ventura, shouldn't we slow down?
Ace: Nonsense, Poopy-Pants!


Fulton Greenwall: WE can pay you handsomely.
Ace: I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall: Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace: Re-he-he-Really? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk: If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace: But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk: Wait! Here it is! You've just attained it.
Ace: I have?
Ashram Monk: Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace: What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk: Take mine!
Ace: Master. This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk: That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace: In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk: Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace: Master... break it to them gently.
Ace: [cut to Ace and Greenwood exiting the temple through the celebrating, drinking, and some stripped monks] I've never seen then like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.


Ace: Fe Fi Fo Fum! I smell... the fingerprints of scum!