About Last Night... Quotes

Bernie: Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?
Danny: What?
Bernie: To you, I'm saying. Does she give head to you?
[Silence]
Bernie: Forget it.


Bernie: I stole it
Danny: You did not.
Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.


Bernie: Was that the chick from last night?
Danny: Yeah, I picked up the phone and she was already on the line.
Bernie: Yeah, right. Pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.


[about their ended relationship]
Danny: I think I thought it was going to be different than it...
Debbie: than what it was really like? Me, too. Maybe we were just - too naive.
Danny: Yeah, maybe. Maybe we knew too much.


[about a workshop on relationships]
Joan: Men and women - sharing, working out their hate.
Debbie: I'm sick of hating. I mean, God, Joan. I don't think I have any hate left.
Joan: Yes you do - you just don't know it.


Bernie: [Danny tells Bernie that he told Debbie he loves her] Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
[pauses]
Bernie: Who said it first?
Danny: I did.
Bernie: Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
[pauses]
Bernie: Was it before you came, or after?


[Danny makes fun of Joan when she comes in with a cake]
Danny: Joanie! God, she looks grea... Oh, and she baked us a pie!
Joan: Your vulgarian friend is downstairs, denting innocent people's fenders.
Danny: [shouts down the stair hallway] Yoooo, Litko!


Joan: So what do you do for a living?
Bernie: I'm a prizefighter. Do you know much about boxing?
Joan: No...
Bernie: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.


Mr. Favio: You know what you are, Martin? You're a 14-carat fuck-up, that's what you are.
Danny: Something wrong?
Mr. Favio: Goddamn smartmouth. Jesus, you got a mouth! You think people like that mouth? You think customers like it? Mr Big Shot. How come you didn't cut off that dump on canal street?
Danny: The Swallow?
Mr. Favio: Awww, I say dump and he immediately connects with the Swallow! You know what a swallow is?
Danny: Oh let me guess, it's a bird?
Mr. Favio: Yeah it's a bird, a loser bird, a dodo!


Mr. Favio: Business is business! You cut the son of a bitch off!
Danny: Oh, fuck you!
Mr. Favio: Fuck me? Fuck you!
Danny: Fuck You!
Mr. Favio: Fuck You, Martin!
Bernie: Ah, Mr Favio?
Bernie: Fuck you!


Debbie: Bullshit. You don't know what love is. You've gotten everything you have always wanted and now you're feeling sorry for yourself because there's something you want and you can't have it. But you had it! I gave you love. But you asked me to leave and I left.


Danny: That's good! Now maybe you could find it in your heart to take this thing and shove it up your ass.


Danny: Hey, know one thing - I never screwed around on you.
Debbie: Oh, well, let's just give the boy a medal! I didn't realise it was such a sacrifice.


Danny: He is a better human being than that bitch on wheels you've got for a friend!


Joan: So, did you have a nice evening?
Debbie: Yes. And I crawled away in shame.
Joan: Oh, aren't we a couple of sluts?
[Both giggle]
Debbie: I can't believe I slept with him on the first date!
Joan: It wasn't even a date, Deb.
Debbie: [rolls eyes] Thank you.
[pauses]
Debbie: I tell you, though. I couldn't help myself, because he is *so* gorgeous.
Joan: But can he type?